Smile a While: Poems to Torment My Kids

The Curse of Dad Verse

It may (or may not) surprise you: but sometimes I tease my kids to distraction.

The way I was raised, I figure it’s my honor and duty.

As noted in an earlier post detailing “shit I say,” sometimes this takes the form of coming up with inspired Christmas items, dutifully passed on to Santa.

A lot of times, coming from a long line of nicknamers and writers and musicians, I end up immortalizing my sons — or their hobbies, or their toys, or anything at all in the daily run of the household — in song, sung loudly and proudly around the house at top volume.

Yeah, they love it.

Looking back, at times my odes were more subtle. Like, when my darling babies were merely 3 and 1, with the youngest many years away from joining us. On a weekend in the winter of 2010, when I was left solo parenting as my wife traveled, and was thus inspired to immortalize my sons Jonah and Ben in verse.

Father, O father, what shit dost though sayeth?

Passing the hours changing diapers and slinging fish sticks and playing “tackle Dadda” and otherwise enjoying myself, I set some of my thoughts down… and shared them with actual, literate adults on Facebook.

I’m sure that, now that my sons are teenagers, they’d appreciate them all the more.

To wit:

What earns diapproval?
Self-diaper removal
when otherwise napping was bliss
What makes it all better?
a grilled sandwich with cheddar
and earns a tired cook his glad kiss

Little boys with traveling Mom
Pummel Dad with pillow bombs
First one hour, soon it's two
Dad will soon be napping, too

Finding misplaced Cobra viper
Changing Big-Ben's poopy diaper
looking for that toy again
Is it only ten till 10?

Mama off to Oklahoma
Dadda home with Ben and Jonah
Tackling 'round the neighborhood
Eating way too much fast food

And the inevitable haiku:

Pizza for dinner
more napkins, milk, helping, mess
Daddy gulps his beer

Animal Planet
spiders, lions, snakes
happy boys shrieking

Hard to believe it’s been almost 14 years. Time to pen a few more odes. Or tee these up at the appropriate time… prom night.