Dumb Shit I Say: Public Bathrooms

This first installment in “shit I say” takes a look at my passive-aggressive side. And perhaps yours, too?

Today we visit that delightful destination of discomfort — but necessity — the public bathroom.

Let’s skip ahead to when you’ve finished your business and you dutifully, habitually — right? — make your way to the sink and for your mom’s sake and for us all apply water and soap to skin and wash your damn hands.

Every time.

Right?

Now, I’m not going to get into a critique of how long you run the water. Or whether you use hot water (Yes!) or cold (NO!). Or, whether you apply soap first (WRONG!) or wet your hands thoroughly to start (look at correct, perfect you). I’m going to save my passive-aggressive asides for those among us who skip straight from the business end of taking care of their business and rejoin society without so much as slowing their step by the sinks.

You may cringe now.

But we’ve all seen it, right? There was a restaurant worker in my old office building I kept running into in the washroom and he was never shy about just going right on back to the prep counter with a few extra germs he’d picked up tagging along.

I stopped going to that restaurant.

And started working this quip into my repertoire whenever I spy a fellow visitor to the WC skipping on out without washing up:

“Hey, the water’s free.”

Said helpfully, hopefully. Like I’d discovered a great deal. Or found out we’d all been upgraded to first class or something.

Not that it’s ever slowed anybody down. And yeah, it’s passive-aggressive as hell. But there’s my confession to my failure as hygiene vigilante.

Maybe next I’ll work on not going right back on my mobile phone three steps out of the bathroom. Because — yeesh — think of the gunk on that thing.